Monday, October 14, 2013

today is the first day (of something, as usual)

Have you ever been so insanely motivated, that you don't even know where to begin so you end up watching six episodes of The West Wing and eat a third of a pound of cheese instead?
I'm kind of there.  Except I'm refusing to eat the cheese, and I'm refusing to check in on President Bartlett.
Yesterday, after a wonderful day of shopping with my family, a picnic with Loverman, friends & co., I wound up with the hood of my car up, crying on an exit ramp at the end of a bridge.  After roughly two hours, I got home, smelling of gasoline and wanting to kick myself in the tush for not checking my oil regularly, or thinking that 92 miles is the same as 114 miles and I have enough gas, and generally for not admitting my faults or trying to help out future Taylor.  All I could think of doing was curling up in my blankets, turning on Netflix, and sleeping -- which meant putting off the 16 other things that should and needed to be done.  I suddenly thought of something that had been in an email or blog post that I'd read recently: "What can I do today, right now, to help myself tomorrow/this week/next month/achieve my goals?"  So I stopped throwing myself a pity party and lamenting at how stupid I'd been, I sat up, and I started on things that needed to get done.  That should get done.  That maybe didn't have to be done until Tuesday, but that I could start doing Sunday.
Let me tell you - it worked.  Not like magic, as I was still tired and stressed, but when I went to bed, I felt like I had achieved something.  When I woke up this morning (before my alarm) I felt motivated, because I'd already accomplished part of my to do list for the day.  And maybe, if I keep on top of things, I'm going to feel that way tomorrow, and the next day, and future Taylor is going to love past Taylor and send her flowers.
The hardest thing I've been learning over the last few years is that there is no magic adulthood button.  I can't just be the successful adult-figure I have in my head.  I'm not going to know how to manage my time to do housework, homework, actual work, budgeting, errands, etc. all on the first day.  But I'm trying.  And I'm starting not by helping myself out right now, necessarily, but what can I do, right now, to help myself tomorrow?
So now I sit here.  Full of motivation that I've had all day, ready to check things off of my list of things to do.  I got done everything (nearly) that is due tomorrow.  I'm not going to give in to my normal routine of turning on Netflix when I have nothing to do - I'm identifying what I can do to help me tomorrow.  And if there's one thing that makes me happy, it's achieving something and not being stressed about what is left to achieve.