you know you're old.

I've had many instances in life where I've realized that I was growing up. Moving to college, paying bills, getting insurance, you know, adult things. But nothing had prepared me for feeling old like watching my middle sister graduate. 

I remember the day this girl was born, and she has always been someone - whether we were cranky with each other or not - that I could count on. I didn't feel old when I realized it had been exactly four years to the day since I had graduated high school, or when I realized most of my classmates and I had changed in drastic ways. I realized the moment I looked at her, sitting in her cap and gown, thinking that she had the entire world in front of her, and that everything she was thinking in that moment was probably wrong. (Sorry Kit!) You get it girl, you've got it all in front of you, and great friends and family behind you guiding you, and alongside you. Love you! 

take me back..4th of July

I was running errands for work yesterday and received these lovely flowers from the grocery store.  As they had no use for red, white, and blue flowers any longer, each purchase was accompanied by these - so wonderful!  I couldn't stop smiling over them and I couldn't help but think about the amazing Fourth of July weekend I'd just had.

For the first time in over two years (!!), I was able to go out on the lake that my grandparents have had a cabin - and now a house - on, for over a decade.  Nathan had never been on the water, but my joy of sharing that with him was surpassed by my happiness of just being out there again.

I managed to only get a bit of splotchy sunburn (#sunscreen4ever) and it was all worth it.  Growing up, my grandparents had hosted a bash each Fourth of July and I have so many happy memories from those parties.  Unfortunately, my grandmother was hospitalized during the weekend.  It was a bummer, but Nathan and I made our way to Sioux Falls to spend the afternoon with her and enjoy a dinner out with Papa.  

As I reflect back on the weekend, not one part, not even spending half of a gorgeous day in a hospital room, has a negative cloud above it.  Fireworks on the lake, old friends boating over to say hello, games of guesstures with some of my favorite people, and just enjoying a part of my childhood happily, without the sad-tinged nostalgia of growing up, is enough to tide me over for quite awhile.  

And if it doesn't, I can look back on the one picture of the weekend that Kit sent me...

prioritizing & m.i.a.

Hey all.  Everything has been such a crazy disaster of love and life and everything inbetween.  With starting a new job, cramming what was already an intense semester class into 5 weeks, working on Dankbar, and still managing to see people and not be a hermit, I hate to say that the blog has been pushed not only to the back burner, but behind it.  So much has been going on, there's so much I could share, yet the minute I sit down to type something, click goes the off switch on my brain and I'm ready for bed.

I've been reading a ton on priorities, and most of my favorite blogs have had great tips and advice on how to prioritize (see Nicole, Carly, & Ashley).  They've been so, so helpful and encouraging while I've been working, yet there's been this disconnect between my goals, my have-tos, and my priorities. 

While it's easy to say that Dankbar Designs is my number one priority, it's not easy to make it so.  Then on other days, it's easy to say "oh yeah, my relationships are definitely my number one priority".  But what about the fact that I need to finish my degree?  Welp, guess school just became my number one.  Where do I draw the line?  Is it realistic to put my relationships before school or Dankbar?  But can I put school before either of those?

What I'm trying to say is, it's been complicated.  This blog, the SailorrTaylorr me, just isn't my priority - however, it's my outlet.  It's my place where I can write, where I can share, and where I can obsess over little things (and big things).  While it isn't my priority, it's always on my list.  So please, bear with me as I flit in and out throughout the summer - nothing will be as consistent as I'd like it, but I will get you content.  I'm struggling enough as it is trying to juggle three number one priorities.  Having something that isn't a priority, that I can just go to like a favorite pillow or book, it's what I need.  And I love it.  I love you.  So thanks.

Here's some quick snapshots of what I've been up to since we last talked:

I got to spend time with my second family, and loved every minute of it.

I've been taking plenty of walks and runs across the Stone Arch Bridge, giving me great views of Downtown Minneapolis, and an amazing view of Mill City.

Starbucks and walks with Nathan have kept me sane more than once, though I'm pretty sure that the Starbucks part of the habit needs to end soon or my wallet will cry.

Learning and growing in this building.  Folwell Hall is my favorite and least favorite building on the U of M campus simultaneously.  I have learned more than I could ever express in this beautiful building, but I've had growing experiences that have made me want to cry, as well.

That's a snippet of what I've been up to.  I have the chance now to sit down and crank out a few posts, so hopefully there will be plenty of material coming your way!  

What has everyone else been up to?

commencement.

Nearly three weeks ago, I was sitting in this crowd, waiting to hear speakers and ready to walk up and receive my diploma, or at least, the diploma holder they would give me while I waited for the actual document.  It was a weird feeling.  This wasn't going to be my final college moment - German classes were planned for this summer - and yet, it felt like it was all going to be over.

(I see you up there, Mom!)

I had participated in one on-campus group, had a couple on-campus jobs, and attended events sporadically.  I never went Greek, didn't do band, choir, or arts shows, made a handful of really good friends, and a few handfuls more of people I could wave at on campus.  People walking across stage were high-fiving each other and hugging faculty members, while I couldn't think of a faculty member I had kept in touch with.  There were plenty of exciting thoughts running through my head, but I was beginning to think I had seriously missed out on something, that I'd done something horribly and terribly wrong.

At the time, the speakers were poignant - nearly three weeks later I couldn't quote one line for you.  I don't know why that is, and sometimes I wish I could remember.  But even if I could, it wouldn't make a difference.  As a recent grad, as a 20 something, the words of advice are inescapable.  

I laughed a lot through the ceremony, sitting by a good friend, talking about people we knew walking the stage, cheering when our mascot accepted his "diploma" and celebrating as we threw our caps in the air and then searched for our families

Goldy Gopher graduated!

I couldn't have been happier to have my family and Nathan there to help me celebrate.  College was the single hardest thing I've ever done in my life, physically and mentally.  Numerous times I called a meeting with my parents to discuss the possibility of transferring or dropping out.  I'm not destined for education, college wasn't glamorous for me, and I'm okay with that.  While I sat, thinking in that moment that I had failed the social aspect of college, I needed to remember that I was content with the experience that I had.  Sure, I didn't join clubs, but I had a great group of friends my first year at the U that kept me company with late night dining hall trips and marathons of watching Sherlock.  Brownie bites and half off apps, bad chinese food, football games, even my job...  Those were  my "clubs", those are my memories.  I am so utterly blessed to have them.

Three weeks after graduating, I'm getting ready to start a summer job and my last bit of German.  I'm searching endlessly for full-time positions in September (using my on the hunt methods) and an apartment to go with it, while simultaneously attempting to make time for dankbar, family, and friends.  It's stressful, and exhilirating, and the beginning and end of something.  It's commenced.

my biggest six year-old fan

my grandparents

fellow UofM alum, thanks for everything Nathan

my mom and step-dad, always supportive and 

doing their best to keep me in school and positive

daddy, always there for rational advice and a kick-in-the-butt when

laziness seems like the best option.

What are other recent grads up to?  How was your commencement and college career?

Arizona sunsets. az part 2

Every time I travel to Arizona, one thing remains constant: sunset will be watched.  Arizona sunsets are one of the most beautiful things to see, and at the time of my trip, it truly was magnificent.  In preparation for the equinox, the sun lines up between the two palm trees and sets so beautifully.  This was taken on my last night, so it was setting slightly behind the house.  If anyone tries to tell you cloudy days are the worst, that may be true, but they make the best sunsets.

There were a couple nights where sunset was watched not only with family, but also with good friends and good food.  There was jalapeno dip and salmon dip I didn't think I would like as much as I did, cheese trays that I could have devoured, and wine that tastes as good as the company you're with.  There were conversations of life and of beauty and of work and as I sit at home in unseasonably cold Minnesota, these are the moments I miss most.  When I look back through my memories, trying to find the ones that stick out to me as "movie moments", these are the ones I want to find, where the only thing missing is the carefully selected background music.