sailorr taylorr: commencement.

Nearly three weeks ago, I was sitting in this crowd, waiting to hear speakers and ready to walk up and receive my diploma, or at least, the diploma holder they would give me while I waited for the actual document. It was a weird feeling. This wasn't going to be my final college moment - German classes were planned for this summer - and yet, it felt like it was all going to be over.

(I see you up there, Mom!)

I had participated in one on-campus group, had a couple on-campus jobs, and attended events sporadically. I never went Greek, didn't do band, choir, or arts shows, made a handful of really good friends, and a few handfuls more of people I could wave at on campus. People walking across stage were high-fiving each other and hugging faculty members, while I couldn't think of a faculty member I had kept in touch with. There were plenty of exciting thoughts running through my head, but I was beginning to think I had seriously missed out on something, that I'd done something horribly and terribly wrong.

At the time, the speakers were poignant - nearly three weeks later I couldn't quote one line for you. I don't know why that is, and sometimes I wish I could remember. But even if I could, it wouldn't make a difference. As a recent grad, as a 20 something, the words of advice are inescapable.

I laughed a lot through the ceremony, sitting by a good friend, talking about people we knew walking the stage, cheering when our mascot accepted his "diploma" and celebrating as we threw our caps in the air and then searched for our families

Goldy Gopher graduated!

I couldn't have been happier to have my family and Nathan there to help me celebrate. College was the single hardest thing I've ever done in my life, physically and mentally. Numerous times I called a meeting with my parents to discuss the possibility of transferring or dropping out. I'm not destined for education, college wasn't glamorous for me, and I'm okay with that. While I sat, thinking in that moment that I had failed the social aspect of college, I needed to remember that I was content with the experience that I had. Sure, I didn't join clubs, but I had a great group of friends my first year at the U that kept me company with late night dining hall trips and marathons of watching Sherlock. Brownie bites and half off apps, bad chinese food, football games, even my job... Those were my "clubs", those are my memories. I am so utterly blessed to have them.

Three weeks after graduating, I'm getting ready to start a summer job and my last bit of German. I'm searching endlessly for full-time positions in September (using my on the hunt methods) and an apartment to go with it, while simultaneously attempting to make time for dankbar, family, and friends. It's stressful, and exhilirating, and the beginning and end of something. It's commenced.